Hi dear friends ♥️

It feels so good coming back to blogging after a few months hiatus (or more like a few years since I wrote this kind of posts!). I’ve really missed writing in a longer format, and the decision to continue forward in English also feels right. I can’t tell you why I got the urge to change language. There’s a lot I don’t know about where my business will take me in the coming year. I’m just here for the ride and trying to honor the pings I get.

To kick off this new year and the rebirth of this blog I want to reflect on my intentions for 2022. Rather than setting a bunch of goals and resolutions that I might or might not reach this year, I am going to answer a set of open ended questions. Much like the Monthly Journal posts if you’ve read those. You are very welcome to answer these questions for yourself as well, to set the tone for the year ahead and get some clarity of what’s important to you.

What lessons from 2021 do I want to bring into 2022?

This past week I’ve spent some time reflecting on the year that has been. The challenges my partner and I faced, everything that happened in my business and what I can learn from it. Even in tough times, there are always valuable perspectives to gain.

The number one thing that 2021 taught me was how fragile and beautiful life is. From January to December I was pregnant three times - each time it ended with miscarriage. As shocking and heartbreaking as it was, it made me very humble towards life. In the midst of all the sadness there was also gratitude. Towards my partner, our dog and the life we’ve built together.

My biggest struggle right now is feeling that that is enough. We don’t know when we will become parents, and one thing that has truly hit lately is that I can’t let the longing for children be my everything. If you focus all your attention on something you don’t have, it’s a ticket to unhappiness.

In yoga we talk about Duhkha - suffering - as when you stop living in harmony with reality. In other words you expect life to be different than it is. As opposed to Sukha - ease - which happens when you accept and approach life from what it is.

Last year it felt like everything was put on hold, in the waiting for this child that never came. You build an entirely new reality in your head about how life will become after giving birth. And then all of a sudden you’re forced to accept that it’s not going to happen in the way you thought.

The lesson I’m bringing with me into 2022 is that I need to create a fulfilling life for myself, regardless of having children or not. Now is the best time to get started with the things that I’ve always wanted to do. I just can’t keep waiting for that perfect timing to happen. Or live in my head and dream about everything I will have in the future. That’s duhkha.

Meaningful change can only come from a place of acceptance, so I guess that’s where I’ll have to begin.

What do I wanna do more of?

My partner and I have decided to take a break for a while now, to focus on the things that brings us joy and to, in a way, rebuild our life and relationship. The miscarriages brought us closer together, but it wears on you not having those moment of laughter and adventure and joy as well.

That decision is such a relief to me, and I feel like I can finally give myself permission to just do fun stuff!

There are so many things I’d like to do more of this year. Expanding my garden and plant more flower. Take lots and lots of photos of everything I come across. For some reason I feel a strong pull towards photographing flowers. So strange, since I’ve always thought flower photography is the most boring thing ever. Perhaps I need that simple beauty in my life right now.

I’ve set an intention to work more with my hands this year. Aside from gardening, that means painting, learning to create with clay, cooking, building and simple everyday tasks. All those practices brings me right back to the present moment.

I also want to move and use my body. Skiing, running, yoga, SUP, hiking. Spending time in nature and go on little adventures to places nearby.

Traveling to another country would be AMAZING. It’s been years since we saw something else than the everyday life, Kristoffer and I. But even a trip to Stockholm would make me happy. Eat, drink, do yoga and see art would give me the necessary boost of new inspiration that I need.

I’m eager to learn new things, so taking courses and continue reading books is also on my list.

Finally I feel a strong pull towards writing more long format - not constricting myself to Instagram captions. I think this blog, my email letters and e-courses will play an important role this year.

A feeling, word or sentence that will guide me

Letting the heart lead is something that I keep coming back to. I’ve let my mind lead for long enough. Now is the time to make paradoxical moves guided by my intuition. Even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if I’m not sure what it will lead to. Letting the heart lead means following what brings me joy and meaning. It means learning things for the sake of trying something new. It means being in the process and making space for enjoyable things. It about making those things a priority, and letting everything else shape itself around it.

Sometimes I can be a bit too disciplined and business-minded for my own wellbeing, so I think this will be a good practice. Letting go of some of the control and just allowing life to be enjoyable.

A habit or ritual I want to sustain

For the past two weeks I’ve made it a priority to meditate for 15 minutes in the morning. I’ve tried to maintain this habit many times before, and I think the reason it has failed in the past is because the habit itself didn’t fit effortlessly into my life. There was always something else that had to go, or my morning routine would become so long it would impossible to keep it up in the long run. Perhaps I was too ambitious with everything I wanted to make time for in the morning.

Nowadays I have way less stuff I do in the morning. Having a moment of quiet with my morning tea and possibly doing some writing is pretty much the only thing I need. So this time, I've have attached the meditation habit to the morning tea ritual, that I do without fail every day, simply because I love it so much. If you’ve read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, you know that “habit stacking” is a key method for making new habits stick.

I also feel much more motivated to meditate now, as I can finally see the benefits it has on my clarity of mind.

In the summer one of my favorite routines is to go out in the garden first thing in the morning. Then I usually drink matcha latte rather than tea. I sit there on the tree stump Kristoffer made for me when I moved here, sip on my matcha and look out over the garden. Deep in thought about all the things I want to plant, build and expand.

Something new I’d like to learn or try

I would LOVE to learn how to work with ceramics! To make my own coffee cups, plates and incense holders. I’ve always loved handmade pottery and it is probably the one thing I spend the most money on. How cool would it be if I could make my own? It would make for the BEST gifts too.

We have a very popular ceramics course here in Piteå, and for this spring I’ve managed to secure a spot ♥️ Due to the pandemic the course has been postponed a few weeks, but I’m hoping we can get started soon.

A life long dream of mine is to have a little studio in the garden where I can work on my art and photography. With lots of light and divided into two parts: one “messy” for creating and styling, and a cleaner space to use as my office and showroom. I can absolutely see the shelves in there be filled with handmade cups and bowls, maybe a custom tea blend and some other well selected products in small batches.

What nourishes me and brings me joy?

Similar to the question of what I want to do more of.

What nourishes my body is definitely movement and being outside in nature. Also hearty foods that follows the seasons. Sleep, water and tea.

What nourishes my mind is to always learn new things, by reading interesting books and taking courses. I’m quite mindful of what podcasts I listen to and social media accounts I take part of. Not all input is inspiration. I need lots of quiet time for my creativity to come out, so I prefer reading and enrolling in workshops and educations, as it is a slower way of learning that gives me the much needed time to process.

Creating and experimenting with colors, light and props is also something that “fills my cup” and makes me feel alive and present.

What brings me joy… is harder to answer. I think this is something I’m working on being more connected to. It has been so much about achievements and success in the past. Not so much about pure joy. Also I think there’s a difference between joy and contentment. I can think of lots of things that brings a calm feeling of being content, like drinking a cup of coffee or having a cozy movie night with my love.

But when I think about joy, the images that comes to mind are early summer mornings on my SUP in the water. Skiing down the perfect slope with a view over the mountains. Teaching yoga. Listening to music. Morning cuddles with Kristoffer and our chihuahua Alice. Photo excursions capturing the winter landscapes or midnight sun. Runner’s high (which I haven’t had in years but miss a lot). Being up with the sun in a new location, heading out for a solo walk and a mission to find the best coffee.

What does all of these things have in common? Possibly that they make me feel connected to the world. It’s not something I do alone at home. It has a sense of newness to it, seeing or experiencing something that is slightly different than the everyday. Or lifting your gaze to see what’s been there all along. Connection to the place. Connection to the people.

What am I letting go of?

Ouff, I don’t even wanna answer this, because it’s so much more fun to look ahead, right?

I am letting go of the idea that a business should look and work in a certain way. All the rules I’ve created for myself that now makes me feel constricted. For instance that I can’t photograph food unless I also provide a recipe. That I can’t have a photography business and also aspire to become an artist, whatever that means (you should focus on ONE thing). That I must choose one language and then write and create everything in that language. That you gotta work full-time with your business, otherwise it’s a failure.

In a way I am letting go of Cashew Kitchen and what this brand has been for the past 7 years. Allowing it to morph into something slightly different. I thought this rebrand meant that I “had” to change the name of my business, but then I realized that this was yet another rule I had set up for myself. Cashew Kitchen is my brand, so why can’t I decide what it gets to be?

I also want to let go of all the sadness from last year. But I have a feeling that some of it will stick around, and maybe that’s ok.

Before ending this blog post, I want to send a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support. Especially when I shared the news about our miscarriages. You’ve all been so kind and caring, and that means the world to me ♥️ No matter what changes I make around here, you are always onboard, always cheering me on, always up for another course or book or thing that I’m trying out. Like a pair of supporting parents who just want their kid to be happy. So thank you for that!

I Would love to hear what brings you joy and nourishment. What do you wanna do more of this year? please write a comment below if you feel called.

Love,
Agnes

2022 Intentions - Leading With The Heart